a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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