the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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