yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
