Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
