Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
