college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
