Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
