There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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