Just fell off a train. Bad.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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