Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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