Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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