ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
