sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well you can't waste a boner
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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