Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
