Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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