So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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