I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize