I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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