I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
