I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need moral support for this bender
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
