Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize