xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
