I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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