Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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