i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
