Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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