standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
