I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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