Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
