You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The cops high fived after they tackled you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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