You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
