just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
