Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Text me some of your sweat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
