He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They took my balls.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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