This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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