Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
