I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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