matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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