Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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