chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
