He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize