tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
