I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize