if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How naked do you want me to be?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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