I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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