OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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