Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
