I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
