apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
