they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
