there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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