did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
