Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
