So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
