Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
