forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
