hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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