she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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