Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
