I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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