Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
