I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
