I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
