dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
