so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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