Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
