Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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