Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
