u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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