you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
