too bad you live with your parents still
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Terrible idea I love it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
