yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize