I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize