She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
