hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
