he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
