Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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