He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
