We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
not ubering you a puppy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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