he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
