i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
