Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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