all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
