im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
