Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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