she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
