Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
