Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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