I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
