I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
