Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize