What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize