Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
