does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize