so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
