shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
